Racial Harmony

  Something nailed me while I was enjoying a business luncheon (because guys that run the cheap theater have business luncheons too). Now before we get too deep into this let me issue the standard racial disclaimer:

  I (Joshua Hall) am white, I have learned over the years that because of that I'm to issue no thoughts on racial relations, perceptions, etc. However, I'm about to.

  So I'm at the Chinese buffet getting better service than I do from any scraggly haired meth-head cracker when a bunch of twenty-something factory working bro's walk in. They lorded their way through the lobby and regally took their seats as they gave forth their soda edicts. They even made sure to talk a little slower and louder when they were speaking directly to the waiter.

  As if at this point of the game that server doesn't know that when Fatty McTownie says Pepsi you get him a Pepsi. As the server ran off to get their drinks they pointed and laughed at him behind his back before bellowing "AND CRAB RANGOON YOU'RE LOOKING LOW!" They then proceeded to congratulate each other on how many crab rangoon they were going to eat.

  Did the server snap? No, but you could hear him tell the cook to make more Rangoon. Did they appreciate this? No, they mocked his accent and laughed about how much Rangoon they were going to eat. I get the feeling these guys might have been racist.

  Here's the thing, you don't get to be racist and then eat their food. That makes no fucking sense, if you're gonna hate on an entire people than you must hate on their cuisine too, otherwise you're just being lazy. No half and half's, if you're gonna be THAT asshat you gotta commit. You can't belittle everything about a person and their heritage but then cry to suckle upon General Tso's chicken teat with a side of deep fried dough, cream cheese and half a chunk of crab.

  Don't be a half assed hater, rock that shit so we can see your dumb ass coming. You gotta hate 24/7, no excuses, it's nothing but BBQ, freedom fries and the comfortable bubble provided by your own ignorance. Don't be an absentee parent.

  Of course, I can't be sure this was a drive-by splash of haterade, because racism is simply fear of the unknown expressed improperly. This place was nicely decorated so maybe they were just behaving that way to feel safe and in charge. But this is where I'm a racist at times because I see a hick in a Carhart jacket and I assume he's being a racist redneck when he makes tired and cliche riddled jokes behind a "foreigners" back. It's entirely possible this guys just so bland and ordinary that he has to go "irk dirka dur" to make conversation because in his mind that's "what the people do."

  There's so many people like that around here, way more than the racists, but you have to look deep enough to realize they're not being racist, just boring and stereotypical because that's what they've been taught to produce.

  Seriously, you can't rip on the Chinese while eating Chinese, that's silly. And when they're working harder than you ever would and still somehow have enough patience to let you racially masturbate all over the place just so you can feel better about yourself, leave a fucking tip. I don't care that "it's the buffet" as you said in snide manner to your equally stupid and/or racist pack of beta males.

  You sir, are one of the worst forms of Ugly American.